i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
