i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
