turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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