Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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