He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
