I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
