Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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