There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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