His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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