Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
