Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
