You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
