I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
