first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
