Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
