apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
