We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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