my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
