i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
