My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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