You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
