I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
the raccoons are back...
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