you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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