hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
