we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
