so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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