he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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