Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
