So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
