Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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