bring money and cleavage
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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