i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
