so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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