I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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