She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
