i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
