I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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