I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
