I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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