so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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