I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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