I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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