So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm sobbing to NWA
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
