i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
