DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
