one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
