Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
