I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
