This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
