I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
