Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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