its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
