my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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