Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
