Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
