I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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