I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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