Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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