i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
