She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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