I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
