i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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