The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
