How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
