What a fucking waste of an outfit
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
