yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
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Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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