I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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