dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
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I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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