I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the room spins SO much faster in panama
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
