we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
