Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
