Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
