i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
