I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
