If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
