I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
